Live-laugh-love

I feel like I have to be..perfect.. The perfect daughter, the perfect sister, the perfect friend. I feel like it's so easy for everyone else, and I don't get what's wrong with me. I try so hard to be a normal, happy teenager but as hard as I try there's always some black rain cloud trying harder to knock those happy feelings out of me. My friend Glo, she's like me..Only younger, and cuter (ha, she'd kill me if she knew I said that) she's got a boyfriend Steven, who's a year younger than I am and could probably kill me just by blinking an eye, they're really good people. They listen and care when I'm upset, but they just don't know. I tend to like attention, even though I try really hard not to be an attention whore. Sometimes I feel like the line from OneRepublics song "secrets" "I need another story, something to get off my chest. My life gets kind of boring, need something that I can confess" though my life is generally never boring, and there's always plenty for me to confess. I try really hard not to though because I know that they have their own stuff to deal with no matter how many times they tell me that I'm retarded and they don't mind helping me, etc etc. I've decided I'm kind of like a poison, I know I look tempting because I'm cute (ackkkkk I hate admitting that I'm not completely tragic looking) but if you give me the chance to get close enough I'll probably end up ruining you. Even when I don't try to, I just do. But I can't do that to Glo, Glo has too much to live for and do. She's done too much for me to ever hurt her. For some unknown reason to me she likes me (I know, I think it's weird too) even though I'm generally a bitch to her. We have a good relationship, it's fun but it can be serious too. I would do anything for her and visa versa. As much as my ex broke me by leaving she helped put me back together. Whenever I felt the flicker of the old me coming out we kept it out. Or tried at least, she didn't let me stay in my shell of sadness but she also knew when to back off and leave me be. Even when I put on an act of happiness she can usually tell, and she usually makes me talk about it. I don't tell her that I love her a lot, but I do. I was scared to tell her I love her like I would love my little sister (if my parents had continued to reproduce after me) but I do, I don't say I love you because every time I do something bad happens and then I feel cursed, and I don't want that to happen to her. I want to protect her, but I usually do a shitty job of it but she doesn't care. She still stands by me. She has her own light. It's different from my light, she's different. She's hard to figure out, but I think that's part of her charm. Oh jeez, I stopped copying the note I wrote awhile ago, I've just been babbling since then. Oh well. It's kind of fun. So I think I'll continue. I'm going to see Paramore in 6 days with my friend Amanda, we've never spent a ton of time alone with no other friends around to talk to before so this should be interesting, but she's super nice so I'm sure it will be fun. I honestly couldn't believe my parents said yes. It's been a pretty good few days. Lets hope it continues